It’s a brave new world writing for public dissemination with a teenager and a tween. Their stories are their own. Although they effect every aspect of my being their struggles, experiences, perspectives and actions are not mine. I don’t want to publish things they would not want shared. I also don’t want to exclude MY struggles with them from this writing because it’s a huge part of me, and because it would paint many things, including our upcoming trip, in an “edited for social media perfection” way that always chaps my hide

The good news- packing is almost done. We have two enormous duffle bags full of donations (thank you!!), one big suitcase and 2 carry-ons. Not bad for 4 weeks and 2 very different climates. I am still reserving the right to add an extra carry-on. For my shoes. Visas are acquired. Reservations are confirmed. Vaccines are complete.

The less rosy news- at least two of the four people in my household are currently emotional disasters. One of them started crying yesterday because we didn’t have a preferred cereal available, and basically hasn’t stopped since. This individual is refusing to talk about any emotions they are having that may be related to the upcoming trip, insisting that there is NOTHING to talk about and that it is COMPLETELY normal to cry and rage for hours about the presence or absence of Honey Nut Cheerios. When I offered that I was always available to talk and that I love them always and no matter what and nothing they ever say could change that they screamed “I HATE YOU”, and then asked if I still loved them. I mean, yes, I absolutely do, but sheesh…

Individual number two is irritable at all times unless engaged with a screen. I don’t mean irritable, like, a little grouchy. I mean loud. Stompy. Enraged. This is especially unfortunate given that the more this behavior continues the more freaked out I get that there is some kind of actual addiction/brain thing going on with screens and while YES I am glad it’s screens and not “something worse” I am also acutely aware that in a few years it could be. So I restrict more. Stompy-ness escalates. We are all feeling worn down.

Also, the dog ate the protein bars I was packing and barfed all night.

The hamster escaped.

The dishwasher broke.

Also when I went down to the basement this morning to complete the last load of laundry I stepped into a small stream running through the basement. This explains the musty smell when it rains. I made the executive decision not to mention this to Jeremy until we have left the country.

So right now my over-priced, whiny self doesn’t wanna. I don’t want to go. Cancel and refund please. And book me a night ALONE in a hotel.

One of my favorite parts of any long trip is when your first flight takes off. I exhale. Whatever is broken/flooding/all fucked up at home is literally behind you. Whatever you’ve forgotten to pack is now not part of your trip. Worrying about logistics and arrangements is pointless and what will be will be. It feels light. Relaxed. (Unless there is turbulence. Then I don’t feel so relaxed and may require additional pharmaceuticals to return to my previous state of relaxation. And a drink.) Needless to say, I’m ready for wheels up.

This dog. Barfed up protein bar all night. This hamster. Escaped this morning and caused much rending of garments until recovered from under a pile of dirty clothes.