When my mom was first diagnosed with brain cancer she fixated on two things- nice sheets and comfy jammies. She was sure she would be spending a LOT of time in bed and wanted to do so as comfortably as possible. We poured over websites. She decided that LLBean sheets were the most comfortable and durable. We ordered a flannel and a cotton set because, choices. She decided on an adorable set of PJs from Garnet Hill- light blue cotton with cherry blossom flowers. I still wear them to bed.

Since I already have her jammies, my own search for cancer sheets began today. Last Friday (May first) a radiologist called with biopsy results - I have breast cancer. Jeremy and I were stunned. I have lumpy bumpy boobs and had a different lump biopsied and returned with a negative finding a few years ago. I figured the same would be true for the newest lump in my collection. Not so.

”Invasive Ductal Carcinoma”, the voice on the phone said.

“Will it kill me?” The answer seems to be it will almost certainly not.

With that out of the way I realized we had to tell the kids. While my special little snowflakes are sitting pretty in the grand scheme of access to shelter and clean water, quarantine plus cancer is a lot of worry to put on their shoulders. We sat them down and when the words “I have cancer” came out of my mouth they both went white. Jeremy took over and explained that what I have and what took their grandma from healthy to dead in the space of six months are both called “cancer” but that does NOT mean I am going to die, or even get as sick as Mamo got. They took it better than I expected. I think they were probably too shocked to really process it (so were we!) and in the days since there have been some sleepless nights, some outbursts of tears and yelling, and some retreating into fantasy words of books and videogames. We keep telling them we will get through this together, that the next few months might suck and then everything will go back to “normal”. They seem to believe us. I think that’s about as much as we can ask right now.

Monday was a two hour meeting with the surgeon to make a plan. That felt overwhelming but good. I always like a plan. She even wrote me out a flow chart and a to-do list. She speaketh my language.

Tuesday was for sheet shopping. I settled on a new set of the kind I know I like with a dark background and chevron pattern. I chose dark incase they get blood on them. I also procured some candy, a new pair of earrings and a set of brush pens to practice lettering. You gotta love Target. I came home and plopped by goods on the kitchen counter. “Cancer sheets”, I said, when Jeremy looked questioningly at the bundle. He didn’t know that was a thing. Now he does.